"Mommy's Milk All Gone"

As I was changing the other morning, and Lila noticed my naked breasts, she pointed and said, "mommy's milk all gone."

A few weeks ago, on vacation, I gently weaned Lila. As late July came around, she had let go of nursing before bed and, instead, decided she wanted daddy to put her to bed, as he had been doing with Olivia. As early August rolled around, we were down to nursing once a day. On the flight to the Northeast, we nursed several times (nursing on planes does wonders for keeping an infant and/or toddler quiet and happy).

However, by the second day into our trip, I decided to only nurse her if she asked. By the third day into our trip, when she asked to nurse, DH and I were able to easily distract her onto something else. With grandma and grandpa around to aid in fun distractions, weaning went smoothly.

So, for three weeks, Lila did not nurse. Last night, when DH asked her if she was a big girl now and no longer needed mommy's milk, she began to cry, looked up me with with sad eyes, a pouty lip, and asked to nurse. So, of course, I gave in. She latched on normally (I was surprised at this because Olivia "forgot" how to nurse two weeks after weaning) and became disappointed rather quickly when she realized that most of the milk really was gone. She quickly got down and happily went off to play with her sister.

So, on the night of August 26, 2008, Lila, in all likelihood, nursed for the very last time at 21-months-old. Am I sad? No, not really. I'm not happy or relieved. My emotions are fairly neutral about it. Though, I did get a little bit emotional when she declared my milk gone. For the first time in over four years, I am neither pregnant or nursing. Total combined nursing years thus far: 3 years, 3 months.

I am sure, however, that I am not very emotional or sad about weaning because I am almost certain we will have another baby someday. My nursing days are, most likely, far from over! It's only a matter of time before I snuggle a newborn infant to my breast and nurse, once again, into toddlerhood...

Embracing Extended Breastfeeding

Yesterday morning, at our Monday morning playgroup, Lila walked up to me as I was sipping tea and chatting with some of the moms. Whining, she reached over and tugged on the clasp of my Bravado tank top. In a quiet voice, I told her she would have to wait until nap time and offered her a drink out of her sippy cup. Lila is 20.5-months-old.

It was then, as usual, I noticed side way glances from the moms around me. Do you ignore the glances or confront them by explaining yourself? I'm generally torn between the two options. After all, I do easily offend people with my big mouth (read: struggle with tact and/or knowing when to shut up). Breastfeeding is not something that works out for everyone and I have to be very careful with the subject, as it can be a sensitive subject for many.

Years ago, I told myself that I would immediately wean an older infant or toddler who asked to nurse in public, specifically by doing such things as trying to reach down or under a shirt, pull at bra straps, etc. Yet, here I am, doing no such thing. In my mind's eye, I imagined breastfeeding a toddler as something you pushed or guided your child along to do. For me, that is not the case. It just happened. We introduced solids and sippy cups at around seven-months of age. At a year, I introduced soy and cow's milk. Nursing sessions went from six-eight times daily, to three or four (more if she was sick, especially tired, grumpy, etc.). Now, we nurse only at nap and bed time. Sometimes, if our sitter puts Lila to bed, she misses that nursing session - but goes to bed just fine without me.

Yesterday, I explained to the two mothers sitting next to me that I have been either pregnant and/or breastfeeding for four years and two months. I then explained that I breastfed Olivia until she was 18-months-old and that Lila was born nearly three-months later. The ladies exclaimed: "Wow, good for you! You deserve a pat on the back, I could have never done that. It must be so hard and you must give up so much."

Here's a few secrets you may not know about me:

• I am domestically challenged (read: lazy) - I love to cook. However, I hate doing dishes (and cleaning, in general). I cannot imagine having to wash and/or sterilize bottles, clean nipples, etc.
• I require lots of alone/mommy time (read: I'm a bit selfish) - If breastfeeding tied me down as much as many people think it does, I'm not sure I would have done it for more than a few weeks. Once each of my girls' could go three hours in between feedings, I used hourly care or babysitters for things such as: grocery shopping (I HATE doing this with children), lunch dates with friends, dinner and/or movie with my husband, etc. Once Lila turned one, I've been able to spend all day away from her while DH and I toured around town here or when on vacation (i.e. - our Germany vacation). I've only pumped and left breastmilk behind half a dozen times EVER.
• Breastfeeding was very challenging for me, in the beginning, with both children. Lactation consultants were my best friends. Once we figured out the problem and fixed it, nursing went smoothly from then on. I do not, however, have warm, fuzzy memories of the first weeks of nursing either infant.

I used to think nursing a toddler would be really weird and that it would feel gross. It is not and does not. I could write an additional post on how I use it to keep her quiet on planes rides, or stop her from crying after a fall or slap from her sister or to ease toddler antics. Or, how often her sister has had some sort of stomach bug and despite shared sippies, she didn't catch it or caught a three-hour version of her sister's nine-day bug (I'm a germaphobe- so I love this benefit of breastfeeding).

When I think of the benefits she and I are reaping (see here), I feel no rush to wean her; though her second birthday is a goal in the very back of my mind. And, if she weans when I spend a night (or two) away from her during our upcoming trip home next month, that's fine too. I'm not stuck on any set day or month.

Lila is my sensitive child. She loves to hug and snuggle. When she lays in my arms and nurses, while we rock and I sing to her before nap and bedtime, I find myself full of love and joy in the simple act of nursing this precious toddler of mine.