And Now for a Little Whine

As you all know, Matt's in Iraq. You'd think I'd be a wreck because we moved to Europe, live on the economy and he left just as we moved in. However, this deployment is different than the last in that I'm handling it well. Maybe it's because it's short (five-six months instead of 12-16), maybe it's because I've lived overseas before and love life in Europe.

Mostly, however, I think it's that I grew up. I don't have a voice in whether Matt deploys or not. So, instead of worrying and spending my days anxious, I've pushed through and I'm happy to say that I'm pretty unaffected by the deployment.

So, when do I wish Matt was here? Well, always of course - in the back of my mind - he is currently the missing link in our family. But, when do I really wish he was here?

When I need a break. Lately, I've needed a break. And, blogging about it helps me put it in perspective and get over it. But, here's a list of my current complaints (I would have these complaints even if Matt was here - but, they are magnified when he's gone):

• Whining: For the love of God - what is up with the whining? Here's an example:

Olivia: "Mom, what does this page say?"

Me: "I don't know Olivia. What am I doing right now?"

Olivia: "You are driving the car."

Me: "So, when do you think I can read to you?"

Olivia: "But, Mommmmmmmm! I need to know what it says nooowwww! Pleassseeee! Try! I need you to read it! Can you pull over? Pleaaaasssee!"

• Then there's the crying. When do kids stop crying when something trivial is wrong? My kids break down and cry over everything. I tell them that this is a "no cry zone" and they are free to cry in their room. Stomping up the stairs and slamming doors ensues (or I carry someone up). Bike privilages get taken away. I should just take away everything that is important to them the instant they cry over trivial crap. But, then they'd be in my hair whining for something to do since I took everything away. It's a lose-lose situation.
• When will I stop having to run around everywhere? I'm so tired of it. I still have to get my international driver's license. I have to get school clothes. I have to find an internship, file damage claims, get back to the gym - because that hasn't happened yet and it shows. I don't know how many times I've thrown on a pair of sweatpants and a ratty shirt, hair all messed up, and run to the store for something and run into someone I know. Dressed looking like a dirty, smelly slob. Then, that one errand turns into a full day of errands because I can't find what I'm looking for as easily as I thought I would. At some point, the kids get hungry and I fill them with kabob - which is crap none of us should eat more than twice a year or less. I always refuse the fries, but still. It's crap.
• Then, there's the random crap. Toys everywhere, food snuck into the living room, water sprayed all over the bathroom room floor, a doll gone missing, someone didn't eat enough breakfast and is hungry two seconds after we drive off our street, getting into things that don't belong to them (Why do I still have to hide things? Will I always be doing this?).

Phew. I'm done. Well, I could whine about a zillion other things - couldn't we all. But, you all are probably more interested in the fun stuff I've been up to and I'll get to that next time!

Introducing Rainbow

Not the baby rabbit shown above. Olivia. As of today, her name is now Rainbow. She has informed us that she will announce it to her preschool teacher tomorrow and her ballet teacher on Tuesday. We are to teach her how to write it out on paper first thing tomorrow morning.

She decided that she wanted to change her name when she started playing "Princesses Around the World" with a girlfriend at school. It's the name she picked for that game and she has decided to use it in real life.

So, if you call asking for Olivia, please be advised that her name is now Rainbow.

I will be sure to inform you all if anything changes in the near future.

Dear Olivia, Lila and Husband:

Dear Olivia and Lila,

Getting up at the butt crack of dawn is extremely inappropriate. If you want to make mommy crazy, and in turn make your life miserable, continue to do that. Then, to really send me over the edge, and further complicate your life, why don't you cry, whine, yell at each other, and turn Raffi up full blast before the sun even rises.

Lila,

Yesterday you were concerned that I ran away during your nap. If you and your sister continue with this behavior, I just might!

Dear Matt,

Staring at me and complaining that you are running late while I make your lunch, is not going to get it made any faster. Asking, "What can I do to help you?" and then acting on it, would get you out the door a heck of a lot sooner.

Thank you for your time, respect and consideration.

Sincerely,

Wife and Mother (FYI: Considering quitting both jobs)

Staying at Home and Loving It?

At least ten of you noticed the poll I had on the sidebar last week. Most of you voted that being a stay-at-home parent is the hardest job you've ever had, a couple of you voted that you have a love/hate relationship with it and a few others had comments in between. For those of you who voted (and those who didn't), I thought I'd share my thoughts.

Being a SAHM mom, for me, is the hardest job I've ever had. I like being a SAHM. I do not love it. There are times of tremendous joy and times of guilt and frustration. There are no coffee breaks, no quiet moments at a desk with a hot cup of strong coffee. No lunch breaks, no vacation or sick days. Your boss: Demanding toddlers, emotions flipping from wonderfully happy and loving, to whiny and miserable, often unable or not open to reason.

It can be very rewarding. You are there for all the firsts. First smile, first time rolling over, first words, first steps, and so on. You catch all the really endearing and smart things that come out of their mouths. You raise your kids your way. You know exactly what is going on in their daily lives, which isn't always the case when they spend nine-ten hours daily at a daycare. You have the freedom to go where you want with them, when you want. They grow before your very eyes and you feel pride in knowing it was all you.

On the other hand, as a fellow blogger recently wrote, "It's like being hen-pecked." Often, you don't even get bathroom privacy. You find yourself trying finish your bathroom, um, duty, with kids trying to climb on our lap or running in to tattle. You are on call 24-7! You spend your entire day troubleshooting toddler antics, soothing, wiping, feeding, entertaining and sometimes, you find yourself wishing nap time would come already - just so, you can have some private time and room to breath. Surrounded by toddlers day in and day out, there are times when you feel trapped in your own home, mentally unstimulated (due to lack of adult conversation). Especially when your spouse is away and it's a rainy or snowy mess outside. Again, it's all on you. All the time. And, when you don't make a good decision about something or find yourself yelling at your kids, that's all on you too. Your patience and sanity are always being tested.

It's just not always a fun job and I think we deserve the luxury of complaining (venting, whatever you want to call it) about it from time to time. That's why we have blogs and networking channels online. When stay-at-home parents blog about the tremendous joys and trials, we find an online community of support. Blogging helps us feel better. We can laugh and cry along with other parents. Do you know how good it feels when someone blogs about the very thing that's been on your mind? You find relief and comfort in knowing you aren't alone!

I've heard, through the grape vine, that some people feel that I complain too much about mothering on my blog. I thought about opening up a blog that was just pictures and cute quotes. However, I decided against it.

If you click on many of the blog links on my sidebar, you'll find that many of the bloggers share exactly what I share: Joys and trials. We rant, rave, brag. Some of us blog in great detail (me) and some are a bit vague or abbreviated when it comes to sharing their trials. That doesn't mean they are having an easier time. They just chose to be more private about it or don't use their blog as an outlet. Each blogger has his or her personal style. For many of us, our blogs are online journals of sorts. I'm one of the ones willing (and wanting) to share all the wonderfully happy times and the not-so-great times.

Embracing toddlerhood. One hug, one laugh, one milestone and one tantrum at a time!

Embracing Extended Breastfeeding

Yesterday morning, at our Monday morning playgroup, Lila walked up to me as I was sipping tea and chatting with some of the moms. Whining, she reached over and tugged on the clasp of my Bravado tank top. In a quiet voice, I told her she would have to wait until nap time and offered her a drink out of her sippy cup. Lila is 20.5-months-old.

It was then, as usual, I noticed side way glances from the moms around me. Do you ignore the glances or confront them by explaining yourself? I'm generally torn between the two options. After all, I do easily offend people with my big mouth (read: struggle with tact and/or knowing when to shut up). Breastfeeding is not something that works out for everyone and I have to be very careful with the subject, as it can be a sensitive subject for many.

Years ago, I told myself that I would immediately wean an older infant or toddler who asked to nurse in public, specifically by doing such things as trying to reach down or under a shirt, pull at bra straps, etc. Yet, here I am, doing no such thing. In my mind's eye, I imagined breastfeeding a toddler as something you pushed or guided your child along to do. For me, that is not the case. It just happened. We introduced solids and sippy cups at around seven-months of age. At a year, I introduced soy and cow's milk. Nursing sessions went from six-eight times daily, to three or four (more if she was sick, especially tired, grumpy, etc.). Now, we nurse only at nap and bed time. Sometimes, if our sitter puts Lila to bed, she misses that nursing session - but goes to bed just fine without me.

Yesterday, I explained to the two mothers sitting next to me that I have been either pregnant and/or breastfeeding for four years and two months. I then explained that I breastfed Olivia until she was 18-months-old and that Lila was born nearly three-months later. The ladies exclaimed: "Wow, good for you! You deserve a pat on the back, I could have never done that. It must be so hard and you must give up so much."

Here's a few secrets you may not know about me:

• I am domestically challenged (read: lazy) - I love to cook. However, I hate doing dishes (and cleaning, in general). I cannot imagine having to wash and/or sterilize bottles, clean nipples, etc.
• I require lots of alone/mommy time (read: I'm a bit selfish) - If breastfeeding tied me down as much as many people think it does, I'm not sure I would have done it for more than a few weeks. Once each of my girls' could go three hours in between feedings, I used hourly care or babysitters for things such as: grocery shopping (I HATE doing this with children), lunch dates with friends, dinner and/or movie with my husband, etc. Once Lila turned one, I've been able to spend all day away from her while DH and I toured around town here or when on vacation (i.e. - our Germany vacation). I've only pumped and left breastmilk behind half a dozen times EVER.
• Breastfeeding was very challenging for me, in the beginning, with both children. Lactation consultants were my best friends. Once we figured out the problem and fixed it, nursing went smoothly from then on. I do not, however, have warm, fuzzy memories of the first weeks of nursing either infant.

I used to think nursing a toddler would be really weird and that it would feel gross. It is not and does not. I could write an additional post on how I use it to keep her quiet on planes rides, or stop her from crying after a fall or slap from her sister or to ease toddler antics. Or, how often her sister has had some sort of stomach bug and despite shared sippies, she didn't catch it or caught a three-hour version of her sister's nine-day bug (I'm a germaphobe- so I love this benefit of breastfeeding).

When I think of the benefits she and I are reaping (see here), I feel no rush to wean her; though her second birthday is a goal in the very back of my mind. And, if she weans when I spend a night (or two) away from her during our upcoming trip home next month, that's fine too. I'm not stuck on any set day or month.

Lila is my sensitive child. She loves to hug and snuggle. When she lays in my arms and nurses, while we rock and I sing to her before nap and bedtime, I find myself full of love and joy in the simple act of nursing this precious toddler of mine.