Leaving Europe

Paris, France 2011

It's that time again. It's time to leave Europe and move back to America for the second time in seven years. Matt was selected to attend SAMS (School of Advanced Military Studies). We will head back to Leavenworth, Kansas (we lived there from 2009-2010 and own a home there) in early June. While I'm very proud of Matt for getting into a good military school, I'm heartsick.

I posted about this recently on Facebook. I posted that I was crushed to be leaving Europe and had no desire to move back to America. It created everything from amusement to confusion and, possibly, even some anger or disappointment that I could make the proclamations I did. 

Do I feel entitled? No. I do not. Living abroad under the SOFA agreement has been a privilege. That doesn't mean I cannot be sad. It doesn't mean I should love the idea of moving back and embrace it wholeheartedly, giving up my life here happily, and doing a little dance that I get to move back "home." I feel the way many people feel when they move away from a place they adored, whether that be a place in America or any other place in the world, and that is heartbroken. I'm entitled to that, even if it doesn't make sense to some of my readers.

Living abroad doesn't do a lot for some people. In fact, traveling abroad doesn't do it for a lot of people. Some people are very content to spend their vacations at Disney World, or a campground an hour outside of the town in which they live. Some people don't even like to travel at all. Vacations are spent at home gardening and/or welcoming visitors. Some people think just the idea of military life is the worst idea ever. Who could move every three years (or less)? Insanity! Do you know what? That's okay. I love that. I love that people find happiness in many many different ways. I'm the crazy woman who dives right in to European life, embracing it and the challenges that come with it. I love it!! I feel empowered by all the things I do that presented a challenge and I did it anyway.

Can I be really honest here? I'm still heartbroken about Portugal. I follow various Portugal Facebook pages and I sometimes have to click on "don't want to see this" option when pictures of Sintra or Cascais show up in my newfeed. I become choked up. I'm choked up just writing about Portugal. Damn, I really miss that place! The long walks by the ocean, the evenings with friends at a delicious South African restaurant, the afternoons sitting at a cafe, drinking coffee and reading a book, listening to waves crash, the delicious, inexpensive wines I could buy just at a small grocery store around the corner from my house, which was situated 200-meters from the Atlantic Ocean. Matt had to drag me kicking and screaming onto the plane leaving Portugal and the entire year I spent in Kansas did nothing to ease the pain. While I made great friends, and carried on, I woke up every day with a broken heart. Learning we were moving to Germany helped considerably, but my heart still longs for Portugal. It, therefore, comes as no surprise that I am, once again, feeling so crushed at the mere thought of moving back to America. That's okay. Europe will always be here. My dear friend, Nina, from Heidelberg, has promised she will always have a place for me to come visit. And maybe, just maybe, we'll be lucky enough to get another overseas tour before Matt's time in the military is up.

I thought it would be nice to come up with a list of things I'll appreciate about being back in America:

• Lots of parking lots with big spaces. Much less parking hassles.
• No language barriers, which is actually kind of huge and encompasses everything from reading menus, making travel arrangements, to helping my children with homework (my girls attend German schools).
• I can order something online on Monday and, likely, have it at my doorstep by Wednesday. Even overnight, if I want (I can do that here - but it's paid in Euro and with the US dollar being so weak, it's usually not worth it). 
• I can finally buy some appliances that I've been wanting but didn't want to hook up to a power converter (That doesn't always go over well long-term). Can't wait for my Instant Pot!
• Closer to friends and family. 
• One stop shopping - I can hit up a grocery store, a clothing store, a shoe store, and more all in one stop. There are malls everywhere in America. Here, I have to park in a garage and walk from shop to shop. Malls are far and few between. 

The list could go on. But, you know what? That list is just ridiculous. If I really missed all that crap, if I really needed it, I wouldn't be heartbroken about leaving here would I? 

Less than a year from now, we'll find out where we're moving to next. Hopefully it's a good one, though I don't expect it to be Europe. Back at the top of our list will be Ft. Carson, Colorado, Fort Lewis, Washington, and Scholfield Barracks, Oahu. If there is a possibility of a division staff job (Matt has a division staff commitment after SAMS) in Europe, that will be on our list - but I think there isn't an option. Italy, maybe? I can't remember. Ft. Drum, NY, because it's closer to family, will probably end up in our top five. I have little interest living there though. I spent a considerable amount of time there when Matt and I were dating and thought it was dumpy. Though, there is plenty to do within a one to two hour drive. Family lives within a three to five hour drive. Matt *thinks* it will be easier than before SAMS to get an assignment in our top three, though, we have always gotten one of our top three requests and luck has to run out somewhere. There's a chance Matt could deploy from Ft. Leavenworth for a year.  So, who knows.

How do I feel about Leavenworth? Look, I'm not going to lie. I liked living there four years ago. It's almost a relief we can reintegrate to life in America in a place we have lived previously. I know where my favorite restaurants are, I have a great friend there who is very like-minded.  I even have a hair stylist. I'm about to work on signing up for a milk-shares and order grass-fed meat for the Fall and Winter. However, I didn't love it there. I honestly don't know why anyone would want to retire there, as many military families do (I think post-Army retirement jobs are very enticing, thus the pull to stay?). But, that's probably the Burlington, VT snob in me. It's nothing like Burlington, not in look or feel and let's face it, Burlington area is just a great place to raise a family. Not that we'll raise our family in Burlington (there won't be viable job options for Matt upon retirement there. Not for the line of work he's interested. Which is another whole blog post for a much later date), but, if I were to make a list of fantastic places to raise a family, with easy access to the things our family loves to do, Leavenworth, KS would not be on the list. I'm not bashing Leavenworth. But, Matt is a climber. He needs to be near mountains that have elevation. We need to have access to ski resorts that aren't just bunny hills for beginner skiers (Snow Creek, Missouri will possibly be doable for this coming year, but long term, it would not fit our skiing needs/desires). 

I'm optimistic that 2014-2015 will be a great year for our family, despite having to leave the Europe that I love. It's going to be okay...