Mostly, however, I think it's that I grew up. I don't have a voice in whether Matt deploys or not. So, instead of worrying and spending my days anxious, I've pushed through and I'm happy to say that I'm pretty unaffected by the deployment.
So, when do I wish Matt was here? Well, always of course - in the back of my mind - he is currently the missing link in our family. But, when do I really wish he was here?
When I need a break. Lately, I've needed a break. And, blogging about it helps me put it in perspective and get over it. But, here's a list of my current complaints (I would have these complaints even if Matt was here - but, they are magnified when he's gone):
- Whining: For the love of God - what is up with the whining? Here's an example:
Olivia: "Mom, what does this page say?"
Me: "I don't know Olivia. What am I doing right now?"
Olivia: "You are driving the car."
Me: "So, when do you think I can read to you?"
Olivia: "But, Mommmmmmmm! I need to know what it says nooowwww! Pleassseeee! Try! I need you to read it! Can you pull over? Pleaaaasssee!"
- Then there's the crying. When do kids stop crying when something trivial is wrong? My kids break down and cry over everything. I tell them that this is a "no cry zone" and they are free to cry in their room. Stomping up the stairs and slamming doors ensues (or I carry someone up). Bike privilages get taken away. I should just take away everything that is important to them the instant they cry over trivial crap. But, then they'd be in my hair whining for something to do since I took everything away. It's a lose-lose situation.
- When will I stop having to run around everywhere? I'm so tired of it. I still have to get my international driver's license. I have to get school clothes. I have to find an internship, file damage claims, get back to the gym - because that hasn't happened yet and it shows. I don't know how many times I've thrown on a pair of sweatpants and a ratty shirt, hair all messed up, and run to the store for something and run into someone I know. Dressed looking like a dirty, smelly slob. Then, that one errand turns into a full day of errands because I can't find what I'm looking for as easily as I thought I would. At some point, the kids get hungry and I fill them with kabob - which is crap none of us should eat more than twice a year or less. I always refuse the fries, but still. It's crap.
- Then, there's the random crap. Toys everywhere, food snuck into the living room, water sprayed all over the bathroom room floor, a doll gone missing, someone didn't eat enough breakfast and is hungry two seconds after we drive off our street, getting into things that don't belong to them (Why do I still have to hide things? Will I always be doing this?).
Phew. I'm done. Well, I could whine about a zillion other things - couldn't we all. But, you all are probably more interested in the fun stuff I've been up to and I'll get to that next time!